CHECKING OUT ******

Well here it is 2010~

       Time to be begin a new outlook.  The light is brighter, mine is dimmer.  It is even more apparent to me this year that i cannot write out here what is truly apparent in my relationships with the outward manifestations of this life.  Truly I am diminished.  Not in a sorrowful self pity way, but in a meaningful way in so much that I am more aware of my independence of or not dependent on relationships and yet I am fully aware that my life is emershed in all others lives. It is apparent my life is dependent upon all others while being less recognized by those around me.  Oddly I find in this awareness more peace. True peace yet with a greater longing to be in greater Peace and Love.  It is an odd sort of sense of being; while not wishing or hoping to be in any other place that where I am or in any other relationship that what I do know among those in my life it is with an awareness of a deeper emptiness that my heart, that is my deepest seated Truth groans while looking with searching and longing eyes of the mind to somewhere off or out of reach.  While in this groaning and yearning deep in my soul/heart which doesn't lessen with activity, there is a quieting peacefulness, a stability, a steadfastness that makes me content where I am in the moment.  Yet in that same moment I have a sorrow in my heart that will not go away for those in my life who seem to be so restless, who are in turmoil, who are suffering from the need to be successful, productive, to acquire acclamation from the world as we know it in the outward manifestations of all the activity of the visible material world and relationships.  For me it seems time to stop writing on my Threshold blog, to discontinue my sharing my old paintings, time in this new year to step aside from the active role of sharing my thoughts and struggles, my wishes and thanksgivings, and to delve deeper in the abyss of my soul to find where this new Light is leading. It occurs to me it will be a wider, larger, more open space that I've ever experienced.  In that confession I will be checking out for now.  I will be thinking of you if you send me an email and ask for my thoughts or prayers I will be most graciously your servant.    In his Light, Diane

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