CHECKING OUT ******

Well here it is 2010~

       Time to be begin a new outlook.  The light is brighter, mine is dimmer.  It is even more apparent to me this year that i cannot write out here what is truly apparent in my relationships with the outward manifestations of this life.  Truly I am diminished.  Not in a sorrowful self pity way, but in a meaningful way in so much that I am more aware of my independence of or not dependent on relationships and yet I am fully aware that my life is emershed in all others lives. It is apparent my life is dependent upon all others while being less recognized by those around me.  Oddly I find in this awareness more peace. True peace yet with a greater longing to be in greater Peace and Love.  It is an odd sort of sense of being; while not wishing or hoping to be in any other place that where I am or in any other relationship that what I do know among those in my life it is with an awareness of a deeper emptiness that my heart, that is my deepest seated Truth groans while looking with searching and longing eyes of the mind to somewhere off or out of reach.  While in this groaning and yearning deep in my soul/heart which doesn't lessen with activity, there is a quieting peacefulness, a stability, a steadfastness that makes me content where I am in the moment.  Yet in that same moment I have a sorrow in my heart that will not go away for those in my life who seem to be so restless, who are in turmoil, who are suffering from the need to be successful, productive, to acquire acclamation from the world as we know it in the outward manifestations of all the activity of the visible material world and relationships.  For me it seems time to stop writing on my Threshold blog, to discontinue my sharing my old paintings, time in this new year to step aside from the active role of sharing my thoughts and struggles, my wishes and thanksgivings, and to delve deeper in the abyss of my soul to find where this new Light is leading. It occurs to me it will be a wider, larger, more open space that I've ever experienced.  In that confession I will be checking out for now.  I will be thinking of you if you send me an email and ask for my thoughts or prayers I will be most graciously your servant.    In his Light, Diane

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Anniversary

TODAY IS MY ANNIVERSARY OF MY LEAVING SANTA BARBARA.


January 5th, 1973! That was the year and day I left Santa Barbara. I loved that place. Still do. We lived in Montecito on a little street named Humphrey Rd.. The house we shared, myself and my folks, we rented from the All Saints By The Sea Episcopal Church.  I was the Sunday School Superintendent and the Youth Leader Assistant to the Associate Pastor which allowed that advantage to rent the house.   I drove out that morning in my little old yellow VW with my black lab dog "Luke" and with the little bit of stuff that belonged to me.  We drove up to Oakhurst in a venture of submitting my time and energy to the Lord's work in a new community of faithful of all religious paths.  The story as it unfolded is very complicated and long which would be too much to begin to tell here.  My time there ended when I left Oakhurst in August of 2004 for Berkeley, CA to attend  The Episcopal Church School of Divinity Seminary with the Graduate Theological Union.  Another somewhat tangled story unfolds especially after I graduated in 2007 with my Masters Degree in Divinity. That is another story to be told somewhere sometime.  Meanwhile I must say, the word "divinity" always sounded like white fudge to me. I guess it always will due to that word divinity. Isn't that strange? But to me white fudge was called divinity fudge when I was growing up and that word therefore belongs to fudge in my little brain.  What does that say?…Hummm!

2010
This new year of 2010…can it be?…has begun with a crumby cold. Argh!  Seems it latched onto me on the third day of this new year. The sore throat taste, the weakness in my body were there taunting me on Sunday. And sure enough it is…a cold. Argh!  What do I do in the house all day?…I pray for my friends and foes and those who asked for prayer–having surgery today–facing near death—family, and nations, etc.  Also I have been reading when I'm not sleeping.  I finished reading The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Burbery. See new books on right side and click if your interested in my comment.  Also I have been re-reading Thomas Merton & Sufism, The Untold Story – A Complete Compendium ed. by Rob Baker and Gray Henry.   Again I am reminded that Merton's idea of the point of verge was inspired from his studying the Sufism.  Too much to share about here today but very interesting to me as I also see the link to one of the Beatitudes as understood in the Aramaic. That will all have to wait until another day for writing.

Last night I began reading the book Martin Buber's I and Thou /Practicing Living the Dialogue by Kenneth Paul Kramer( see books on right side).  Just started it now after toying with it in 2004 summer just before Seminary. I was so busy packing up the houses (mine and my folks) that I wasn't able to enjoy it.  So now I have the leisure to really delve into it.
 Something of interest in it: In the introduction (p.50) Kenneth Kramer includes a vignette, told by Phyllis A. Anderson (a letter she wrote Kenneth K.) which described a meeting she had with Martin Buber in Jerusalem.  Every wall in his home was filled to the ceiling with bookcases of books. even the dinning room, she reports. Ladders on rollers in all rooms.  Phyllis and Professor Menahem Mansoor (dept. head of Hebrew and Semitic Studies, University of Wisconsin, Madison) asked M.B. who he thought was the greatest man in history.  He answers…"Buber paused a moment, almost as if surprised and said quietly: 'Why, there are no great men, only useful ones.'  After saying that he gets up smiles, bows and shuffles out to the kitchen where women are preparing food.  Phyllis reports she and her companion "exit is total silence."

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